Quote:
Originally Posted by My kids are cool
You don't have to tell her, actually. You could accept that you wanted to do this and did so. Own it and then move on with your life. [And please hear that in the non-judgmental, very kind way I mean it. I am truly not busting on you here.] Seriously, this does not have to be this huge deal. Put it behind you and just talk about what you want to talk about and let go of the guilt and self flagellation. Maybe one of the steps in getting over this thing with your T is to resist the urge to tell her everything, and keep working on not googling her, etc. One mistake does mean a total relapse. Back on the wagon, Woman!
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Thanks, MKAC.
I see your point but I'm not sure if I'll tell her or not until I face her tomorrow. She knows me very well and it's hard to fake what I'm feeling. It's not just that I looked, but the feelings that it triggers. If it's transference stuff, maybe I have more to talk about. If it's jealousy, why am I so jealous of her? If I idolize her, why do I do that? How do I go so suddenly from "I like T very much and that's okay" to "I'm in love with T and I can't tolerate those feelings". I want to know what's underneath it and get help. I think it was littleme who posted to me "what do I want from my T?" Is it love? Is it that simple? Or that complex? Is it because she's so confident, pretty, sweet, and talented? Is it all transference, or not?
Even if I don't go on FB again, I can't forget the photos and the comments. They make me like T more than ever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by monalisasmile
Rainbow 
It is sabotage, why do you feel the need to hurt yourself so much? It's addictive isn't it?
You said you need to lose weight and out yourself down so much, when the reality is you are volunteering, you always help people on here, you are never mean but you are only mean to Rainbow.
Is it to do with your conditions of worth? The things we were told when we were growing up. Were you out down and excluded?
How do you know that your t is not jealous of you and your life, just because t appears to be happy on Facebook you can't trust this because people have facades on that website. They pretend to be happy but a lot of the times they aren't.
The sooner you accept yourself and the precious being you are the sooner t and her private life won't seem as important to you |
mona, you are so nice to me too.
Yes, it's addictive, and I don't know why I want to sabotage everything and hurt myself. Thank you for your nice words.
Kids in school excluded me, but not to the extent that it should cause me to feel this bad about myself. My parents were there but I somehow felt "not good enough". I'm never good enough the way I am.
My T isn't pretending anything on FB. She's her natural self; they were photos and comments by others. She deserves for people to like her; she's a good person.
I know I'm a good person too. My T tells me things I do better than she does. I feel like I'm infatuated with her and want to know every detail about her. I don't think that's ever going to go away. It hasn't after almost 4 years!