I can definitely relate to this. I think about it almost daily though I'm not suicidal. In fact, I'm doing my utmost to stay alive. I fight with every fiber of my being. I don't think I want to die but I still think about it.

I've got two different kinds of suicidal thoughts though. One which I suspect is caused by my OCD and one which I suspect is caused by my depression. Thoughts like throwing myself in front of traffic, through the window/off the building, overdosing on medication etc and worrying about whether or not I could do it or whether or not I want to do it is probably OCD. I reckon the other thoughts (thoughts such as "I hate my life", "I don't deserve to live", "perhaps I should just kill myself" etc) are a result of deep depression, despair and desperation.

The more depressed and stressed I am the more these thoughts (both kinds) enter my mind. Seems like it's similar to what you experience. You're not alone.

Have you talked to anyone about your suicidal thoughts?