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Originally Posted by feralkittymom
I think MKAC has nailed it. There has always seemed to me something very unhealthy in the feel of your need to do these things and then tell your T about them. There's a confessional quality to it all that feels to me as if it feeds the unhealthy urge rather than diminish and get past it. The "confession" is like a reliving of the excited and obsessional feelings. Perhaps your motivation in telling is the excited experience of it, rather than gaining the insight to stop it. Let it go for at least a session and see how it feels. You can always tell her later if the pressure becomes unbearable--but you will have had the experience of observing and trying to control your feelings.
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Thank you. I'm crying but you're right. It's a vicious cycle once I get on it. I will try not to tell my T today. I'll try to talk about other stuff.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1914sierra
On another thread tonight you wrote to your T not to change her settings on FB because you like to see her pictures. Maybe that is just wishful thinking on your part, but it sounds like you want to continue to go into her FB page. Perhaps just a "wish", but I'm not sure indulging those kinds of fantasies is a particularly good coping skill.
It almost seems that you have created this little "crisis" with FB as a way to pull in your T to conversations about her (which is what you like to do instead of dealing with your own issues in your sessions). You've expressed multiple times how it bothers you when you want to talk about her and your feelings for her, but she doesn't let you go there like you want. Is this a subconscious ploy to pull her into your fantasies about how much you love her, etc. and get that focus back there?
I didn't plan it that way, so subconscious--it could be.
I agree with MKAC and Feral. You need to try to sit on this one for a few weeks without bringing it up to your T. I think you really want to create this little crisis with her as a way to get those feelings back for her. Don't indulge that urge. Instead, give it time to blow past. It will if you allow it to instead of fixating on it and turning it into the focus of your therapy existence for the next several weeks (which is what is probably going to happen if you get your way).
I will try. Everything was fine last week when I gave her the card I made. It was from the adult part of me, to show how much I appreciate her but maybe child parts got triggered too. If I resist, I'll be using my DBT skill of "opposite to emotion" action. But I'm not sure if T will see right through that and ask me what's wrong. I have to pretend. Isn't that dishonest in therapy?
You like to talk about your child parts, and your T wants you to stop letting the child parts run the show. Well there you are. If you indulge this child in this behavior as a way to get attention (which is what it is feeling like from this perspective), the child is running the show. Use your adult self to rein that child in, cope in healthy adult ways, and move past this on your own.
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I'll try. Really I will. I'll bring some artwork I'm working on to talk about, and switch the focus. I can't talk about art the whole session, though. So if I want to talk about feeling left out, like with my grandson, it may just come out that I feel left out of T's life. I have to censor myself and I'm not good at doing that with T.
Reading these posts makes me cry because you hit on the truth and that hurts. Also, how can I talk about feelings in my body when T asks me, and I feel my "quicksand" feeling? I have to hide that it's about her. I have to honestly have something else to focus on. I guess the 4 year old who has feelings about T's divorce is out too, huh? I'm not being sarcastic, just trying to find another focus. My marriage? Yeah, and that makes me think about T. Maybe my messy house and how I feel helpless about it. And getting old. Two serious issues for me.
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Originally Posted by bunnylove45
Wow, just wow! This information has helped 'me' see what I've been doing in my own session. Thank you for being honest and forthright. Sometimes it's just what one needs to see clarity.
I'm not sure if it will help the original poster (Rainbow), but it certainly has helped me.
Thank you!
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I'm glad it helped you, bunnylove.
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Originally Posted by elliemay
I'm with sierra, MKAC, and feral as well. This is just a bump in the road. Try to let it be what it is and no more.
When we are trying to change our thoughts/behaviors it takes time, and we all fall off the wagon so to speak.
The key is just to get right back on it and keep it in perspective.
You'll be alright. These things happen and they just really don't have to be that big of a deal.
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Thanks, elliemay. I have to try. I'm not sure I can do it, though. T knows me very well. I do know what she'll say already though. "Don't go on FB--or why did I do it?" " Let's just notice that those feelings for me are there." She will try to minimize it. That makes it worse. She knows about the "in love" part and those that love her already. I just don't know how I'm going to sit and look at her without those feelings coming up.