Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
What is a forthright way to address it? T knows my pattern, and how I want love and to be loved, etc. We talk about my H and my kids. I have friends, etc. I'm reaching out; I just asked a couple over for dinner this week-end. I'm trying to focus on RL and not my T. I told my H in an "I" message what I would like regarding him and me. Yes, I have to ask what HE wants from me. It seems he just wants me to stop complaining about the mess in the house and stop making him try to change his schedule. I did ask him last night. I have to radically accept the way I feel about T. I have to radically accept my H. Maybe I have to go to sleep at 4 am. too. I don't know. I appreciate your feedback--very much, as I do everyone's.  |
It has sounded to me that the ways in which this inappropriate focus on your T is addressed in therapy replicates/indulges your feelings, rather than leads to insight about them. You seem to get a lot of gratification from the SE around these issues, but it doesn't seem that it reduces the feelings, and perhaps, it increases them. I wonder if your T is aware of how you experience SE? It seems at odds with what I understand of radical acceptance. It seems like you work to radically accept the fact that you are not part of your T's life, but not to give up the experiencing of those feelings about her. It seems like the SE, in that context, helps those feelings persist.