I feel the same way, but also I feel conflicted. In my early 20s I was on and off meds and decided that being off meds was better for me in the long term. How I am is just how I am. I am what I am and that's it. As time went on, my symptoms became harder and harder to coupe with. My career, my family, my relationship all began to suffer. Then in a manic state I tried to exit a hotel by climbing out a third floor window so I finally sought out medical help.

This time around my results have been alot better. Before, I was too young and impatient. I hadn't really suffered any major consequence so I didn't see the danger in my behavior. My pdoc told me choosing to take meds to be successful shows my level of control. Maybe you need to reach that conclusion for yourself. And maybe it sounds cliche to say, but perhaps you haven't found the right meds yet.