hehe Boopers, i could read your posts all day, they are fascinating. thank you for your kind words.

you are spot on witht he depression thing, and another reason i get so frustrated is becaue no one around me understands, and i feel so alienated sometimes. but im past that now, today is a good day. i have sat here writing replies and pm's for about an hour and still feel good, normally i cant do that. so its a good sign.

i am eating agian now, i am easing myslef back into it, so theres no need to worry so much. i used to have an eating disorder, and i lost so mcuh wieght and went through a stage of being very ill. that was about 3 years ago now, but its been on-going ever since. it comes in phases, sometimes i eat like theres no tomorrow, finishing off any bit of food i can see. and other days i cant eat a thing. obviously its all dependant on my mood at that time. the disorder i had was never because i felt i was too fat and that i wanted to lose wieght, that has never come into it. i know i am under wieght, and i look like a rake because i am so thin. but i physically cannot stomach food some days, thats the disorder i had, except those days were nearly everyday.

its strange how some people just never know the depth we go sometimes. i had such a rough time back then, yet nobody wanted to help. all i had was an hour session weekly with a councillor. and to this date i cant remember the last time someone asked how i was. it just doesnt happen. hence why im eternally grateful for the existence of PC. i say it all the time, yet i never fell like my gratefulness is put across.

i will be sure to take pictures. its in a state at the moment, the room. there is a damp patch above the window, so i have that to work on! i will take a before and after picture, so you can see how different it looks. the red is a very warm red, very cosy, and the earth colours are truly fantastic. i cant wait to do it now...want him to move out sooner hehe

simon