Hello dl75,

I am usually just a lurker on these forums but I saw your story and it struck a chord with me so I had to reply. I am bipolar and have a situation nearly identical to yours. My advice to you is to not take what's happening personally, stand by your partner and try to go with him to therapy and explain his behavior to his psychologist because you can see things in him that he doesn't even realize are happening. I know cause it happened to me. However my best advice would be to your partner.

To your partner I would say...

All my life I never felt quite right, I always got into arguments, did drugs, went from woman to woman and job to job. I was always discontent and angry with everybody and everything then depression would come out of the blue. But I managed to find an amazing woman who loved me and I loved more than anything, she also was able to put up with me so i married her, and believe me she put up with a ton. I loved her so much and for a long time our marriage was great. But after a while our relationship soured just as everything else in my life. So to save my marriage in 2005 I sought out counseling and was diagnosed as bipolar I tried a bunch of different meds until I finally stabilized. Then in the end of 2008 i had to change my script because of a bad blood test. Then in 2009 out of the blue i started feeling down again but didnt think anything about it. So I started to go online into chat rooms because i was bored and met alot of nice people and started chatting more and more. In my real life I started to feel more horrible as time went on I started to hate my wife and didnt even want to make love to her, honestly she made me sick. She noticed a huge change in me and wanted to talk and help me but i wouldn't listen. She said it was like living with a stranger. Then I met a woman online who was great to talk to, she wasn't married but was in a long term relationship with whom she had an 8 year old. She lived virtually across the country from me. She said her s.o. was 'emotionally distant' and she needed someone who really cared about her. We started chatting all the time like you, even while i worked. She made me feel so much better because she helped me escape from my real life and brought me into a fantasy world where everything was great and exciting all of the time which fed my manic episodes and nurtured my depressive ones, i know this now but not then. She was my whole world all i wanted to do was talk to her and even started talking on the phone at least 2 times a week. Our chatting wasn't really sexual but it was way more than just friendly. We started talking about being together and what the future could be for us. I even started sending her gifts. My wife could tell that something was going on and tried to talk to me but i just fought back and blamed everything on her. Well one day i left the chat up on the pc and my wife saw it and it destroyed her. But instead of apologizing i got infuriated at her for invading my privacy. So she started to check our phone record and found out that i was talking on the phone with the other woman. We fought constanlty she kept crying and begging for answers but i didn't care all i wanted was the other woman. Her attention made me feel alive she was my reason to wake up every day. My wife even threatened divorce but i didn't care all i wanted was the other woman she was my sweet woman who made me feel like i was the world. This went on for months and this just kept getting worse. But I felt great, it all felt so right, I knew that this was what was meant to be. My wife even tried contacting the other lady and tried to drive her away but that just made me even crazier i almost even struck her but didn't. I told my wife I didn't want her anymore and other cruel things that i now regret. So my wife left and went to live with her sister for a while and believe me i was relieved now I could spend as much time as i wanted with my 'little bunny' as i called her. Things were great for a few weeks but I guess one day her s.o. found out about her talks with me and wasn't happy at all, I still don't really know what happened. He was like my wife devastated and threatened to leave and take there son. Thats when it started to get too real for her and she realized that i wasn't worth loosing her family for. I was just a way to get attention she felt she wasn't getting from her s.o. So she started pulling away from me and i started to go into an even worse state. Thats when i started to consider suicide because the 'love of my life' wasn't there for me and I had devastated my wife so bad that I didn't think she would ever take me back. I had nothing left. I went to my therapist and she told me to ask my wife to come in, nicely. She agreed. We worked on our relationship and to make a long story short she took me back. Then my drugs got switched to different ones, it turns out that what i was taking wasn't right for me and was causing me to spin out of control. Between the medication change and the more intensive counseling I finally came to realize that this was all part of my bipolar issues. Once I realized that it all made sense, but now I know that if this happens in the future that I should listen to my loved ones if they notice something in me even if i feel okay. My actions almost destroyed the other womans family and mine also. If I could go back I would do anyhting to change what happened but i can't i can only move forward and try my best to manage my condition better. Now my wife and I get along better than ever and I thank God every day that she gave me another chance. We even just bought a new house and got a new beagle puppy his name is Louie. Life is great. My advice to you would be to cut ties with the other woman, it will probably hurt for a while but you need to focus on what is best not what is feeding your disorder, you will be happier in the long run trust me. Then take your s.o. to therapy with you and really listen to what she/he is saying. They love you and know you better than anyone, sometimes our family knows something is wrong before we do. Then try to find a better drug or combo to truly stabilize yourself because even if this all feels great now it will end badly and you will come to realize how much you have hurt evryone you are supposed to care about, even the other woman. This is a horrible way to live and can ruin lives but there is hope. Believe me because I have been in your shoes. Take care and if you want to talk ask your s.o. to send me a message and I will be happy to answer.