Hey and welcome to the site. You're not crazy. What you are experiencing is very real to you, and that's what matters most. I really hope you can find a way to get help. The best treatment for AvPD as I was told is therapy. Have you looked into state appointed insurance? That's what I'm on. You may qualify for it, and it's worth trying. If not, some places will accept you on a sliding scale. I don't have much advice, except to say that you are definitely not crazy - and to push that word out of your head. I hope you do find some advice here from someone who has received more treatment than myself.