I failed miserably at keeping my activities on FB from my T. I tried for about half the session, but she and I knew I was avoiding her. She asked questions that I didn't answer because it would give myself away. We talked about the artwork I brought in and that was okay, but then I didn't know what to say.

Originally she thought I was triggered by her wet hair, which I was trying to ignore! She knows me so well. I couldn't look her in the eyes.

She wanted to do SE about my parents and asked if she was sitting a comfortable distance away from me, and I balked at that question, and asked what did it matter? I said I want to sit closer but it's not good for me. Then I said I wanted to go away and hide, and tried to cover myself with her blanket. She wanted me to "stay in the present", so I told her.

She wasn't angry at all!! I felt so relieved after I told her. I could finally look at her calmly and directly. I told her I was jealous and wanted to be like her, and that people were right to think so highly of her. She said "that's only social media" or some such comment. She thought she blocked other stuff--I guess she did--I saw only about 10 photos. She didn't mind at all. She said we have to find a way to make ME feel special about myself, and it was perfectly okay if we talk about this more.

I also told her I had feelings about her divorce and she said that's okay to talk about too. I said she seems so happy about it. Maybe that's triggering because of my marriage--we both agreed. I said I wished I was one of her daughters too.

T does NOT like me basing my decisions on people who are not Ts, she said. My former T told me that also. She really would like me not to ask for help on this forum. I don't want to give up PC. I'll have to think a lot about that. I told her I help others too. I'm not sure she thought that was so good, either. I really did try to stick up for you guys!!!

I asked her about our relationship and wondered if she just put up my card before I came in. She said, No, of course not. It's been there since last week. She said she doesn't stop thinking about me when she isn't working, that we have a relationship, whether she's with me or not. She asked whether I thought about people when I was working? I said that I did.

So, I learned to trust my T today, more than ever. I shouldn't have under estimated her compassion. In fact, she said it's NOT good to keep these feelings to myself. Rather, we need to work with them some more.

I'm exhausted now, but very relieved.