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You can honor those feelings you have for her and the relationship. I personally don't think it was very healthy for you, but I also don't think there's any reason to feel shame about it, I hope you don't.
I feel like old t filled some hole inside of me
I feel like this is significant. Maybe you need to work on this emptiness you feel (if this is what you experience); perhaps you will better be able to fill it yourself if you gain a better sense of self and the space to discover that self. I don't think you will have the space to do that with that T -I can't see her giving you the emotional space to find yourself and solidify it as your own, as opposed to a self dependent on others to exist.
If you don't learn to fill this hole, you may also end up looking for others -significant others- to fill that hole for you as you have your therapist, leading to immense dependency on that person -the fear of losing someone who is providing this vital function must be terrifying; if you're able to yourself, you don't have to live in that terror that if you lose x person, you will be lost, empty, alone.
You won't always feel like this --and I think with good therapy, you will be able to feel good, about yourself and your role in the world, in a far more solid, stable, and lasting way, than the feel-good moment-to-moment dependence on this T. You'll find that you can count on others in your life, to help you, to love you, without expecting them or needing them to also take care of you. You'll actually *want* others to treat you as the strong, intelligent, resilient young adult you are, rather than rather helpless, which is I think how your old T treated you sometimes, in subtle ways.
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