It's hard when we're consumed with our own issues and project them on others. My stepmother and I emotionally abused one another the 15-20 years of our "active" relationship, hurting one another back and forth because we had been stung by the quick and didn't understand one another or know how to be ourselves and "fix" the relationship. Occasionally now I think how I would have acted/been different if I'd known then what I know now. I'm sorry for your pain.