Hi Alexandra_k
thanks for posting all this. it got me thinking. i totally relate to missing your T. im even finding the week between sessions so long to wait and i think about her just about every day. i feel like such a disgusting freak for doing that though.
i also have the fear that one day she will see how disgusting i am and be done with me. i can see her having that feeling of skin crawling at the thought of having to spend yet another hour with me. except its not really totally about what ive done to be disgusting. its just who i am maybe. im not sure. its confusing.
and, more than a fear, i genuinely believe its a fact that some day she will get irritated and annoyed and frustrated and fed up with me and wont want to see me again. it makes it so hard to trust and also makes me a bit frantic to get as much work done as i can before she throws me out.
anyway. sorry. im babbling. just wanted you to know you re not alone and to thank you for getting me to think.
i hope you can work this stuff out with your T because you deserve to find healing.
take good care of you
biiv