hi. I am sorry that you were made to feel so bad about your body when you were young. I do not think its at all strange that this resulted in a long term eating disorder. I think that this is the root of many eds. And body dysmorphia. Which often without treatment, does not wane with years.

EDs are so very painful. Excruciating and exhausting as far as I am concerned. I do think there is help. But finding the right help for it is what I call a "grace". We can look and search and try all different things. Then one day the right treatment is there. So please stay hopeful.

I can tell you how I deal with my sweet addiction. I eat no sugar. Nor do I eat honey, agave etc. I limit myself to stevia. Not the truvia that is in stores. That stuff is very manipulated and likely is not healthy at all. I buy my stevia at the health food store. It is the only source of sweet that I will allow myself to have. I also keep my unhealthy carb count low. I am not talking about brown rice or quiona. I am talking about wheat pasta, corn chips, potato chips etc. They make me crave food. I think that different people have their trigger foods. i just make sure to try to stay away from those trigger foods for me. does it make things easy, not at all. But for me it does make a difference. The urge to binge is still there for sure. But when I can keep my foods very healthy then it feels much easier.

Thank you for your kind wishes. i wish you the same. health happiness, peace and relief from this ed that you have tried so hard to deal with for so many years. ps, in full disclosure, I am currently grappling with low fat low cal hot chotolate addiction. Oh yes. Serious stuff because it is making me physically sick. So perhaps I should not be advising anyone, lol.