Does anyone else with Bipolar ever feel like they aren't bipolar? I could be in a very stable time, but I just have never been able to accept that i'm "bipolar (ii)". Schizotypal? Yes. Dependant? Yes. Depressed? Yes. Bipolar? No.
I know, without a doubt, that I do have hypomanic periods where I just don't know what to do with myself because i'm all over the place in thoughts, actions, words. In one instance, i've had a coworker telling me to "chill the heck out" because I "was like a little squirrel all over the place". In any instance, these things my whole life have been deemed "Typical Teal" moments - "...that's so Teal", "Omg Teal, you are silly", "...Teal? What the heck have you been eating? Why are you so hyper?" etc.
So to think that they are signs of a "disorder" makes sense but I just don't "feel" like it's true. Early in life a pDoc suggested I was "manic - depressive" but we never followed up. Thirteen years later, the Millon test suggests the same - "Hypomanic; Bipolar" etc.
Is it that I don't recognize my "mood shifts", though others like my coworker do? Or that I have them well under control (never take or plan to take medicine)? Or just the fact that they are "hypo" and less "life invasive" that they don't feel so "real"? Or could I just be misdiagnosed?
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A majorly depressed, anxious and dependent, schizotypal hypomanic beautiful mess ...[just a rebel to the world with no place to go... ]
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