Oh Des,
I am so proud of you for telling your husband. It sounds like he is thinking this all through very carefully. I am glad he didn't go straight for the guy as it would be your husband who would end up in trouble and the guy would probably get a good laugh out of it.
Stay strong and keep talking to your husband about it. It sounds like some of the band members aren't what you thought they were and that can be very hurtful.
I wish you and your husband all the luck in getting this over with.
Please keep us posted as we care about you and want to know you are OK.
Hugs,
Linda