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Oh, boy. I hope you’re comfortable because this is going to be rather long.
I am a 31-year-old female and I have just been recently diagnosed with Aspergers. I picked up the book Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety by Nick Dubin on a whim at the library and I cried while reading it because I felt like I was reading about me; I was on every page. After additional research on Aspergers, I took the book, online quiz results, and my suspicions to a counselor I had been seeing off and on and eventually got the official diagnosis. It has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders because now I know why I’m so different from everyone.
I’m still adjusting to this and reading as much on Aspergers as I can, but I have a couple of fears and I don’t know how to handle them. I’m posting them here to see what other people’s thoughts and experiences are and any advice would be helpful.
Fear 1: Passing this on to my three-year-old son. He’s so sweet, outgoing, and friendly right now and I don’t want that to change. I want life to be different for him. Better. I want him to have friends. I still don’t know if this is nature vs. nurture: if my horrific childhood had anything to do with it
(in which case my son is light years ahead of where I was growing up) or if it’s genetic like eye color and my son can get it no matter what. Are there things I can do to lessen the negative impacts of Aspergers if he ends up being diagnosed or to prevent it from being so severe? A newbie question, I'm sure, but there it is.
Fear 2: I’m the person always standing by herself at any kind of gathering. I’m the one thankful if there is a kid to take care of, an animal to pet, or even any cleaning to do so I don’t have to socialize with real people. My son is smart. It won’t take long after he starts school to notice that other moms are friends and talk to each other while I’m off to the side cleaning out his backpack or putting books in alphabetical order. I don’t want to be the weird mom. I don’t want him to think of me that way. I want friends but I just can’t make them, no matter if I’m myself or if I pretend to be normal. Kids notice a lot and I don’t want my son to ever be ashamed of me. I’ve tried forcing myself into social situations such as volunteering, going to play groups, and talking to other moms at playgrounds to make friends but 1) I can’t go to organized gatherings often because I work full-time and they’re mostly during the day and 2) the moms in those settings already have friends and their cliques are harder to break into than a bank vault using only a broken Q-tip. Is there anything else I can do or is there a way to explain this to him when he starts school? What do you do if you have young children? Do you children notice if you have a lack of friends, or if other parents are not especially friendly towards you, or if you’re not invited to things like other parents?
I’m thankful to anyone who was able to get through all of this post and I will appreciate any advice you may be able to give. Thank you in advance!
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