I have thought "I just want to go home" so many times. Wow, I can really relate to what your are saying. And yes... I do believe that going home is going home to ourselves- but also the greater whole. I do believe strongly in afterlife, though not of the typical religious sort. I recently watched a documentary on the Tibetan Book of the Dead and I want to read it. I think on another level, that wanting to go home is a way to mask the fear of death. It's like, if we can somehow control death (through suicidal thoughts) we become aware that we can choose to live or die at anytime. But if we are constantly yearning for death (to go home) then we get caught in a trap where we are already dead spiritually- we thereby forget to LIVE. This is my rational view of what you are saying. But on an emotional level, it is very painful. The only way I have found to divert the pain is through physical pain (no not cutting)- through running at least 3 miles a day 4-5 times a week. That helps. And reading the right books. And talking to the right people