Quote:
Originally Posted by fjinca
Today my doctor finally confirmed that I have symptoms of BPD. I'm also being treated for severe depression and anxiety, but the BPD diagnosis gives me some relief that I might not be the only one who feels this way.
Back in July, my wife asked for a divorce. It wasn't entirely unexpected, but it totally wrecked me. I've had two hospitalizations since then (one for 19 days!), and am now at the end of a group therapy day program. I spent a lot of time not wanting to be alive but I'm now hoping I can make it.
Every day I feel rejection, pain, and loneliness with such intensity. It's been a few months since the divorce announcement but it feels like it was yesterday. Other "normal" people have been able to survive divorce, but for me I haven't found much reason to live since then. Every time I see "happy" couples or families I am crushed. I feel like my whole identity was in my marriage, and now I feel totally empty.
I'm hoping that I can eventually get back to working and start feeling whole again. I'm not sure what my next step is, but I've got to figure out how to recover from this. I've got a new therapist (and have practically memorized the DBT handbook), but I'm just waiting for some improvement.
Has anyone else dealt with BPD and divorce? Any suggestions?
FJ
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The top paragraph could have been written by me
You are definitely not alone.
I get the rejection and loneliness. My ex-BFF (who I suspect is BPD as well) posted on her facebook that she was cutting out the negative people in her life. I said that I hope I was one of the people she was keeping. Her response "only if you straighten out". This was the day that I was released from a hold in the ER as I had been suicidal and it was my birthday! Yes, she knew I had been in and why. I have been there when she needed support, emotional and financial but I get nothing in return. Since I cut her out of my life I have no close friends and it is hard.
Those happy couples/families that you see may be good at hiding what is really going on. In public you would think I have the perfect family but privately we are fighting to hold on. My husband has Asperger's and doesn't get emotions at all so when I get emotional he freaks out.