Thank you both for your logical replies. It does make sense to leave the relationship where it is, there is to much that has changed between us that there is no way that it would be fixable. It has taken all my energy just thinking about it all, constantly, to the point I felt obsessed trying to understand what has happened. I think if someone walks away and shuts the door at a time in your life when they should support you, knowing the mess they're leaving behind, then I think the message they're are trying to give you is pretty obvious. I really wished it could be different, I wish I was able to see his relationship with our son grow, and I wish I could switch off the the love that I have for him, even though I know I shouldn't care. I have been to the doctors as my emotions were hard to cope with because I would be feeling so confused and wasn't able handle anything. The doctor wasn't too concerned with anything mentally. I have a great family holding me up and they are bending over backwards to support me. I have very recently been in contact with CSA which is child support in the UK. For some reason the person I spoke to didn't sound too promising when she'd told me she spoke to J. But I know eventually, no matter if he denies our child or not, the CSA will hold him accountable for supporting his child. I am trying not to contact J myself, I deleted his number and it is hidden in my fathers phone. As when I felt overwhelmed with a certain things I found it difficult to not contact him. Which he didn't care for in any case. Any visitation is done via my father now, which is really helpful for me. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply.