Indeed. I have zero intention of killing myself but do sometimes find myself thinking about it, and death in general. Not with any intention of doing it but just sort of exploring the idea out of curiosity. Then I feel weird for thinking about it. I also get urges to jump off buildings and stuff haha that just makes me laugh though. In a weird way it is in those moments that I feel most alive.

I like to think that I am quite comfortable with the concept of death and not afraid of it. I try to tell myself that if I was going to die then I would be able to accept it and be at peace. However, the few times I did think that I was about to die, I was not able to be at peace. The truth is that it is terrifying. I felt like my mission here wasn't complete and I was just begging for some more time. It wasn't so much fear, more a feeling of failure and a waste of what I could have gone on to achieve. I felt like the evil in the universe had prevailed in the final battle and everything that I had worked towards would be lost. It felt like all hope was about to be extinguished once and for all.

Given the choice between life and death, I would always choose life. While there is life, there is hope.