I'm sorry you're in turmoil, but it sounds like your T is responding. I think most of us experienced peaks in instability at times. Perhaps something to remember is that they are temporary and do end. My T used to describe them as periods of transition when the self is "defragging" in order to gain coherence. The old foundations and protections seem to disappear at these times, but new and healthier structures are taking their place. Try to be patient and reach out--my T used to refer to those times as the best times to use him by borrowing his ego strength to see me through.