rainbow, here is what I read last week about transference that I said I would post or send you.

It's from the book "Basic Freud" by Michael Kahn PhD, chapter 11. Kahn has just discussed Merton Gill's ideas about transference, which I also enjoyed.

Kahn writes:

"Heinz Kohut and the Selfobject Transference
An equally important follower of Freud in the realm of understanding transference was Heinz Kohut (1913-1981), Of the many valuable innovations in psychoanalysis Kohut made, the one that concerns us here is his description of the "selfobject" transference, the hop that here at last is the parent for whom I have been hoping and waiting.

This is Kohut's notion of the selfobject: Soon after birth the infant and child becomes occupied with three crusial unconscous questions, questions that in a healthy, loving home are answered positively by the parents. First, am I a lovable person who is welcome here? Sometimes, often mother, like the mirror in Snow White, sends her infant the message that he or she is the fairest and most wonderful of them all. That response is the one that forever establishes the child's self-esteem.

Somewhat later comes the secong question: How can a small, inexperienced being like me cope with this overwhelming world and these overwhelming feelings? This question is answered by the child learning that one or both of the parents is calm, confident, and competent. It is not yet necessary that the child be able to cope; the capable parent or parents will take care of things while the child becomes stronger and more experienced. This establishes an important sense of security.

Finally, the third question is: Am I comfortably like other people and therefore acceptable, or am I weird and unacceptable? When parents invite the child to share adult activities the child hears the message, all the more powerful for being unspoken, "I'm not weird; I'm like mommy and daddy."

Kohut believed that the fate of these needs for love and security was a crucial determinant of the child's subsequent mental health. If these needs are adequately me (Kohut didn't think that happened often) the child grows into a healthy adolescent ready to take on the Oedipus complex successfully (ECHOES says, keep in mind this is a book about Freud) and then into a healthy adult. If these needs are not adequately met, the person is a candidate for psychotherapy. Those unmet needs will remain a permanent, unconscious driving force in that person's life. Like the template (1), they will manifest themselves at every opportunity.

Freud taught us that transference was a replay of early relationships. I unconscously expect people to be the way they were in my childhood, and I act in ways calculated to fulfill that prophecy. Kohut recongized that transference-as-replay certainly happens, but he described another form transference can take: transference as the hope for something better than the original relationships. If I had a critical father, my unconscious template will cause me to see my analyst as critical. But the unconscious wish to satisfy the old need may also cause me to see him as the warm, loving father I didn't have and always wanted. In Kohut's vocabulary, I am now seeing the therapist as the loving, validating, selfobject that I so needed and didn't get. Kohut called this the 'selfobject transference.'

Since the advent of Kohut's contributions, psychoanalysts have recognized these two types of transference. Robert Stolorow and his colleagues teach that it is likely the client will oscillate between these two types of transference. When the therapist is empathetically attuned to the client, Stolorow says, the client will experience a selfobject transference. When the transference shifts to an ancient template, Stolorow advises the therapist to suspect that he/she has been guilty of an empathetic failure. When that failure is explored and rectified, the transference will resume it's selfobject form.

The replay transference heals by allowing the client to work through ancient wounds. The selfobject transference heals by providing the therapist with the opportunities to recognize and empathize with the client's long-standing, unconscious hunger for nurturance, support, and validation."

italics and bolding are mine

(1) template: The unconscious force at work in all of us where our "earliest relationships form in our minds templates into which we attempt to fit all subsequent relationships. If I saw my father as severe and critical, in some part of my mind I will expect all older men in authority to be severe and critical."

I know that's awfully long, and in an analytic frame so to speak, but I just found it so fascinating and could relate to so much of it. I think I'm going to take the book to my next session because I told her I am reading it and because I'd like to just tell her that I relate, and see where that goes...