It felt like both, and neither!

Like, some of our conversation was driven by things in the restaurant--such as memories or stories prompted by getting certain food or drink. This would not have happened in his office. And right at the outset of the lunch (to relieve my own uncertainty/anxiety), I asked him if I should pay him for the time together--would we be doing therapy over lunch? And he said no. So that made things a little freer, I think. It felt OK to just have regular topics come up and not be focused on getting help. He also said he loved how direct I was in asking him that, but it was really just to make myself more comfortable! Another difference was that he brought up more things, whereas in therapy, it is I who must take the lead on bringing up topics. So that was a nice change--a little more relaxing. I could be led instead of always having to do the leading. He did bring up a couple of topics that were definitely therapy material but I don't think he would have raised these if we had been in his office. So I really liked that! Because obviously these things had been on his mind, and now it was OK to air them. So at times it felt like lunch, and at times, T leaned in and stared at me expectantly and empathically, as he does in therapy, and then it felt just like home. But also kind of weird, because it really stood out to me that he was doing "his T thing" and in a way, I wish I had laughed and commented on it. It also stood out to me how honest I can be with him, as I sat there saying honest things that one normally wouldn't say with a friend in a restaurant--at least my friends. And he was the same. In the real world environment of the restaurant, our honesty sparkled. I think sometimes I take for granted things like that in therapy, because, well, it's therapy! But out in the cold light of the real world, these things stand out. That made me want more honesty and openness in my friendships.

Lastly, T was "too big" for his space. We were sitting directly opposite each other in a booth, and his legs and feet kept straying way past the middle line and into my space and bumping into my knees and feet. You know how some people are just too big for their space? Well, that is him. He is a pretty big man and kept knocking into me. LOL. I would withdraw when his foot would accidentally bump me... He never apologized or said excuse me. Kind of weird!!! I am sure you all know people like this. Well, because of this lunch experience, I learned that T is one of "those people."

Ha ha, ECHOES, I'm so glad you asked this question. Because I think I learned some really cool stuff from this experience.