Hi,

I've screwed up my marriage.

For the past several years I've viewed explicit material online, and have lied to my wife about it. She has stated to me a number of times how much she hated this material. I always kind of blew it off... I didn't see what I was doing as that bad or that damaging. I saw it as fantasy, and a chance to explore things that would never actually happen.

My wife found some of my history list about 2 years ago. This led to a huge confrontation with my wife and I. I had to do a lot of personal searching and personal inventory and review of how I viewed marriage and women and my wife. To my wife, what I did was a form on infidelity, the same as a "special friend" or online affair. I took needs outside the marriage. She is right.

I can honestly say, after two years of truly working on this and building more empathy, and looking at the damage I created with my lies and self-centered behaviour, that I really, really screwed up and damn near lost a wonderful woman.

Now I need to know how to get her back.

She sees my commitment and my support, but she no longer feels like she is special, sexual, or attractive to me. She sees me as having viewed lots and lots of images of women who are younger and better looking, and that she doesn't compete with that.

What can I do to make her feel special and beautiful and sexy again?

I desire her on every level. She has told me she will never feel this from me again, because she knows I have seen and desired women she can't compete with.

She is the best woman in the world for me. I love her completely. I can't believe that I didn't see how damaging my selfish actions were before now.

I want her to feel like she is the best partner in the world for me, and that I think she is a frigging goddess in the bedroom. It's true, and she deserves to feel this in her life.

If you had the same history, what could YOUR partner do for you to make you feel like this?