Sounds like me . . . . all my life I think I've run, tried to or wanted to and that was when I didn't feel angry. I kept blaming everything and everyone else for my unfulfilled need for love. Now I realize it is ME, my discontented inner being, the one that doesn't measure up to her own expectations, the one who is her own worst critic, the one who disappoints herself when others still love me and I can't seem to see it or feel it. At 48, I get very angry and still want to leave though I have nowhere to go. I am determined at that time to find a better life elsewhere, one that will make me feel like real me again. I have packed my suitcase countless times in my irrational state, had my car started because I am sure I'm leaving. I have actually left a couple of times, but come back shortly thereafter cuz I can't handle the separation anxiety, or get ticked cuz that is what I feel my b/f wants (for me to leave). One part of me says "F" yea, I'm gone, the other is aware that it is not so simply a mindful escape of my own emotional prison I feel stuck within. I think, fantasize, quite often about meeting someone who will meet my screwed up expectations and that I will actually be feeling really loved and happy again. But I know that would last for a short time and the process would begin all over again. One would think they'd learn not to go there anymore ~ I am really tired of packing and unpacking