Roadie, I don't really know where home is; I just have the feeling at times that I want to go 'home'. I feel like I've been 'away' ... I guess from myself...for years. Thanks for reading my other posts to give me some insight. It is true that my work is my biggest emotional drain. It is not that I am overwhelmed with work - it is that my job is too easy; I'm bored and don't feel creative or fullfilled.

I am the youngest in my family of origin and my mother coddeled and spoiled me as much as she could. I think that contributed to my not having coping skills as an adult. My dad was...there. My siblings were not very supportive either; I felt mostly jealousy from them ... or contempt. I do feel safe at home; in fact, I depend heavily on my husband to talk to and for support since I don't really have friends I talk to much.

I have flucuated in my weight but I would not say 'a lot'; I was a chubby adolescent, then lost to a healthy/svelt weight about age nineteen. I stayed that way until about twenty seven when I gained most of it back. Then at about age forty I decided to get healthy again and over the span of about three years, changed my lifestyle and have come down to a healthy weight again. I don't feel as 'svelt' as the first time I lost weight, but maybe because I am older.

I saw my PCP about a month ago but he did not do a full work up. Also, I started seeing a therapist via the Employee Assistance Program. There wer only two in my small suburb. One said she was not accepting new patients so I went with the other. I don't really click with her; she recently told me to 'look to christ' for my problems. Sigh...I get the feeling she has not dealth with some of the issues I bring so she did not know what else to say. I wanted her expertise help in ananlyzing...to no avail. At any rate, I've exausted my 'free' sessions' so now I'd have to pay 20% if I go through my insurance. I just can't afford that, and have not approached my insurance about going with someone else. They may allow me more free sessions next calendar year and then I will try someone in the next town I suppose.

Thanks so much for saying that I will be ok...I need to hear that.

Any more comments now that I've elaborated a bit?