Bad day. I dont want to take my meds. They are sitting there waiting for me to take them. I know I have to but I dont want to. I really do think they are now causing more harm than good. I'm getting so down about how hard everything is to do, how hard it is to function in everyday life. I havent washed my hair for a week and a half, I dont have the energy to stand in the shower for long enough. I might borrow a garden chair from work to do it today. I need to go to work again very shortly, I had to miss yesterday and I feel so guilty, I cannot miss today - today I will be on my own, no one I have to talk to, it wont be so bad. But I have no idea how I will get off the couch.

Im almost out of medication, I know logically I should taper down, but my healthcare card got cut off and I now cant afford anymore until the company gets back to me (who knows when that will be) so I am tempted to go cold turkey. Part of me knows this is a bad idea, but it feels like the easiest option.

Inside me has been screaming help help help since yesterday but I cant seem to help myself.