My Support Forums - View Single Post

JayneJohnson49 · 07:37 PM

Thank you for all the replies! I wouldn’t mind if T left her cell out as long as she didn’t touch it like she does now. She has a desk phone that I assume is on silent as it has never rung during a session. Actually, her cell never rings either so I assume it is on silent. My issue is she randomly fidgets with it which I find distracting. I’d be in the middle of talking and she’d pick it up so I’d lose my thought or get flustered and wait for her to set it down to continue talking. My issue expanded as even after bringing it up, and her acknowledging it, she chose to continue doing it. That is when I felt dismissed.

Today I went with phrasing similar to HealingTimes suggestion and T responded she was sorry I couldn’t get past it and reframe my thinking to accepting her for who she is even if it bothers me. She said I needed to work on accepting that even if I want and ask for someone to do something it might not happen and my responsibility are my thoughts and reactions and not whether I can get them to do what I want. This is an area I’m working on IRL. I have difficulty understanding why when I say/ask for something I get dismissed or ignored so easily. So we’ve been working on how that dismissal/ignoral isn’t specifically about me rather it is about the person. I countered that she isn’t my friend or family, she’s my paid therapist who I would expect when I say doing X is causing an issue to make changes. I don’t think my request is unreasonable or pushing a boundary. She replied being paid doesn’t equate to doing everything I ask of her. I’m still not sure how I feel about that because if I was at work and my manager asked me to do something work appropriate and reasonable I would do it. Reasonable and appropriate being key words. My job depends on doing those things. I could not say “why can’t you accept I don’t want to” and still keep my job. I pushed on why she needed the phone next to her and her response was she had a grandiosity personality. I interpreted that as her saying my fidgeting is more important than your distress. She did not move the phone but did say she would try not to touch it.

I kept my next appointment and will give thought over the weekend on whether to continue seeing her. Other than this issue we’ve gotten along okay but I’m having trouble getting over her taking an all about me attitude. I’m also having difficulty with my own thoughts/reactions on this as I should be able to just say “okay, this is how T is” and move forward with our therapy. Instead I’m internalizing and turning the situation back on myself with why can’t I be better, why can’t I change my thinking, why can’t I be flexible, why won’t T change.