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You've mentioned issues with black and white thinking, fears of abandonment and others. Maybe you could focus on these and come up with concrete goals as to what it would look like and feel like for you to improve on these things. These things getting better may end up helping you with your mood as well..
You can't really change how other people are or react to you, so I'm not sure that's an accomplishable goal. You can only work on you, at the end of the day.
If she's not helping, you could look for someone else.
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