Sammy - it REALLY is hard to believe something, especially when you've been taught to believe otherwise. (I know the feeling, I was essentially not led to believe that everything was a farce as religion was concerned, but that it was irrelevant.)

Building a solid foundation of your beliefs starts off with the simple wish to work at it. (Which you are doing)

I think that just that fact you're putting in the effort is a good step in the right direction - we're not supposed to be perfect it's the effort that counts. (as far as my opinion is anyways)

Take care of yourself.