I don't ... I want to be a better healthier version of me
sometimes my T might mention things that I'm also interested in; and my ex-T encouraged me to read a few books he liked for example but the motivation was never about being more like him

it's great you are making positive changes Rain; but is there a way you could do them as a way to further develop Rain (who may share interests with her T) rather than trying to be like your T? for example, enjoying the swimming and doing that because it is your own interest rather than because your T does it