Aww thank you guys for the support and encouragement. I guess a part of me wishes [ would say something to me, even if it's I hate you and you were never my friend, so then I could then spill my guts about how rreally sorry I am, and how much it meant to me to have a friend who understood what I was going through more than most people in this world. I keep feeling like if [ wanted to talk to me, than [ would so I might be making an *** out of myself you know? and then I start wondering if maybe the close friendship we once had was all in my head? Was I just a means to an end? This train of thought breaks my heart but I'm 99.9% sure it's the BPD voice in my head.
I am a pretty determined person, I just have to find the strenghth.