Hi. I was diagnosed with BPD and Major Depression in April of 2011, and I've been divorced for a little over a month now.
My ex-husband also has BPD, and is an alcoholic. I think he feels a lot like you do about the divorce. By the time I filed in April of 2012, I didn't care anymore because I had already spent so much time grieving that he couldn't change, and over the psychological abuse he put me through.
After I left him for good though I was very lonely the way you are now. I engaged in many destructive behaviors such as substance abuse, high risk sexual behavior, and alienating those I cared about most. I tried to do DBT, but didn't have emotional support from anyone. My ex-husband had driven all my friends away. So I flunked out after 8 months. My daughter is the main reason I was able to get my act together. My ex-husband does have visitation with her, but she is not motivation enough for him to clean up his act, just like none of the help I, my family, his mother, and countless others tried to give him.
I know it may not seem like it now, but there is a life without your wife. You can put your life back together again. You're not alone, believe me I understand the physical painful feeling in your chest that there just isn't any reason to go on. but time really does heel most wounds. DBT won't be an over night cure, but if you apply the skills over and over they will become a learned behavior that helps you cope and silence that BPD voice. Even though I did flunk out many of the skills I learned in DBT have helped me greatly.
Today I've been clean for 17 months, and I'm going back to DBT. I've since had a second child and am in a new relationship.
If you need a friend I'm here
Oh I thought I should add that my ex-husband and I were married in October of 2010, and called it quits for good in July of 2011 9 months after we were married. I filed for divorce 10 months after that. So when I had my second child I was not cheating on my ex-husband. Realize that might have been confusing lol.