hey biiv.

i'm glad you can relate because it helps me feel less alone, but i'm sorry you can relate because it isn't a nice place to be :-(

i get in these negative spirals sometimes... sometimes i can get in a really foul mood and be fairly relentless with myself (though nowhere near as much as i used to thank god). othertimes i can get into this thought that is unhelpful but i don't quite know what to do with it. like the stuff i posted here...

(i think the answer is distration. if i can distract myself then quite often these thoughts don't come back in quite the same way. but i'm not sure and it seems next to impossible to do that at the time).

different therapists have different frequencies of sessions (and sometimes different frequencies of sessions for different clients). once a week... is a lot for some therapists (who see people fortnightly or even monthly) but it isn't a lot for others (who see people 2 or 3 times weekly) or analysts who might see people 5 days a week. i think a week is a long time. a horribly long time. especially, yeah, when you are thinking about them every day. i have talked to a lot of people who find once per week to not be often enough so you are NOT a disgusting freak for finding once per week to be hard.

could you ask her about seeing her twice a week? or about supplimenting sessions with an email or a phone call or something like that? might be hard to find the courage... or maybe you could write to her once a week?

you aren't just babbling. i can relate. sorry if my posts got you down ruminating on this stuff... trust takes time... we will get there. take care of you too.