hey perna, yeah i think that any reaching out to another is an act of vulnerability. but... that we are more vulnerable with some people than we are with others. there is a guy at work (for example) who is alright as far as he goes, and i take little risks with him, but i am always somewhat guarded because i know he looks out for himself as number one. i can say 'hey' and if he is finding the conversation around him boring he will talk to me enthusiastically. if he is finding the conversation around him stimulating, however, then he will simply ignore me. i take little risks with him (i keep saying 'hey') but i don't take emotional risks. if that makes any sense. i don't trust him to respond to me in a sympathetic or caring way. if he does he does, if he doesn't he doesn't i don't invest in the relationship at all.

with a friend who is closer, however... then we care about them in particular and if they reject us it means a whole heap more than if that stranger on the street fails to smile back or if colleague turns up his nose and turns the other way. sometimes the vulnerability isn't equal because one person cares more than the other. i care more about my t than he cares about me, for example. i bet i think about him a lot more than he thinks about me (not enough time to think about all his patients that much i bet)

but yeah, i think t's can be vulnerable too... but i'm not sure how vulnerable they are with us. not as vulnerable as us anyways. but vulnerable sure. sometimes i'm surprised... at how fragile human egos are in general. i always thought my flaws were obvious for all to see... but i'm realising how most peoples are obvious for all to see without too much reflection on it. i might be more extreme... but people are quite fragile in some respects yeah.

(Colleage things I don't like him. I like him okay and I try to be polite but what I find hard is that he is very emotionally immature which is understandable I guess because he is young. But he likes women to be pretty little airheads too so he feels quite threatened by someone who is willing to say 'bollocks'! So... He is alright... And he probably thinks I'm alright... But he is fairly wary of me... And I"m... Fairly wary of him... And thats okay. Can't click with everybody)