It seems like you blame yourself for a lot of what is happening to you. I don't know your situation that well but I can guarantee that this is not all your fault. This man you are involved with seems to be a big part of the problem too don't you think? You are part of the problem too, but you don't need to take responsibility for his part.

When we live in guilt and regret it's like we're locking ourselves up in prison, like we're punishing ourselves, and therefore not allowing ourselves to move on. Do you feel like you cannot forgive yourself? You don't deserve to be punished.