I still feel down, and im still in that hole i fell into a little while ago. i cant seem to get out of this one this time, and im trying so hard, but i cant do it, not now, not at the moment.

ive sat here and tried to imagine what id say to someoen who was posting this, and not me. ive tried to imagine the advice i would give them, but the advice that comes into my mind just doesnt help me. that makes me think "if my own advice wont help me, how can i offer support to others and expect them to understand, and expect it to help them!". i just feel useless right now.

i dont feel i have much strength right now. and i turned to things that i love doing, but the depression seems to be building walls in front of them blocking me off from them. it scares me.

i dont want to be down anymore, i want to be enjoying my life like i thought i would. when i left my job i knew i woulld be risking goign back into depression, but i had things lined up to stop me, but they have failed, and now i have fallen into it. i knew it would happen, but i really wanted to do these things, and i was more than happy to take that chance, i didnt think it would back-fire on me like it has.

if i could get out of depression and work at what i love, my music, then things would start changing, but i cant. i dont have any self-belief, and i truly believe i dont have what it takes. is that depression talking, or is it the years of insults and put-downs i have recieved from everyone finally catching up with me. i have no self confidence. how do i build that up? i dont even know anymore!

any support from you guys will help me so much. thanks in advance.

simon