Its been almost 2 years since Dad died of cancer. I wont get into details about that or my ex-"family" The pain is not getting any better. I want to tear my f@cking house apart, tear the world apart. I want to scream and yell how unfair it is. I keep it inside because I don't know how to let it out, and I'm afraid if I do, I'll blow up into tiny pieces. Nobody would know by looking at me whats going on. I'm in denial sometimes. He's just away on a trip, he'll be back. How f$cked up is that? Then I realize I'll see him in heaven, so I want to speed up that process. But that won't work either. Whatever, I don't know anymore. Don't know why I'm telling everybody here this. I don't know ***** anymore.