Why do any of us, have to deal with these feelings of depression, want to self harm or find ourselves beleiving that we are the only ones. You are not the only one suffering, that is why we come to Psych Central not to cure us but to give a sense that we are not alone in our misery.
When I had breast cancer my husband was distraught and said to me "Why you" and "replied why not me". I'm no better than anyone else. It's not like deserved cancer but then no one does. It is like any other illness we wonder if we could have done something different; diabetic-could have watched you diet more; heart trouble could we have gotten more excerise. etc.
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I hate myself and I hate that I can't self harm anymore. Its all I want to do. I deserve it. I'm sick of feeling bad and stupid. My life sucks. Why do things have to be this way? Why was I even put on this earth? To suffer?, why me. Why me?
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You are stronger than you think you are. You have power over your mind, at least to a point. You can try wish it away but you can't. But you can start by not calling yourself names. You are not bad or stupid. Those labels only make things worse. You are a worthwhile human being. We will learn patience each time we keep ourselves from selfharming. Wish you the best, because you deserve it. 
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Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin
"Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha