I hoping someone can say oh i had that , try this, because i really don't know what to do.
I'm scared about what the next hour or minute might bring.
Yesterday was a fairly stressful day. I woke up several time in the night panicking about things I had to do.There was an overwhelming sense of doom. Hauled myself out of seroquel fog and worked like crazy all day. Not feeling very real at all. Several times felt very matter of factly that I would just end it . That thought did not seem strange at all.
I didn't drink at all the first day in a long time, I wasn't hungry, either, this was mildly pleasing.

My son came home from school I started to get irritated by his demands for snacks whilst trying to work then became overwhelmed by housework his needs and work. So told him your old enough make you own snack. ok this is still ok. Other son comes home. He's younger so ok make him snack, put shop to bed, drive to hockey go to choir and notice. I'm so happy and smiley and underneath I hear a torrent of comments. and whispers. Then notice all the S@##t I haven't done yet that I won't do because I am so darn useless. don't sing the final amen because I am not religious then realise that's why I will die soon. Go home. Look at mess Didn't expect H to tidy up but son did nothing I start washing up and Boom.

Suddenly the chair is flying stuff is flying I am screaming Apparently Lucifer is in me screaming and I have leaked all over the steps which is very embarrassing. I had a total rip from reality.I was going to drive off too. Luckily it did not last long. Thing is Driving my car to the post office this morning i got thoughts that were pretty dangerous.

I wondering will it just pass. my H is pretty mad at me for last night saying if I pull another stunt like that I'll be in the hospital. I don't know where it came from. The main changes for me have been taking Topamax, Added Stress at work,Not drinking. I'm feeling pretty alone and I guess farly sad if I'd let myself feel that but what's the point in crying