I do the same things. You aren't alone at all. I even had a "relationship" online with a guy from Canada for years (we never met). We were going to be together and I was going to go live in Nova Scotia (with my young kids!) with him. I tortured him for years with push/pull. I idealized him, was repulsed by him, loved him, then hated his guts, on and on. It wasn't good. Deep breaths.

PS. Anybody else have trouble picking "my mood" in the upper right hand corner? I usually have NO idea what my mood is. Generally I am just surviving or upset.