It's crazy, but it's also bpd and idealizing her, the situation, and a better life which is easy to do because we're looking for that connection to someone we didn't get as a child and those emotions of feeling liked/loved. When we find someone that we connect with it's a great feeling and that's when our dysfunctional cycle begins. We place too much value in them, too soon, and if you're like me at some point it will come crashing down and then the heartache begins until you find someone new to repeat the cycle with.

There are no easy answers. You might want to remind yourself when you meet someone new to not get too emotionally invested, and control the idealized thinking. I think this is possible for you because the fact you wrote this thread shows that you're aware of the pattern of your behavior.

The problem with many of us (definitely me) is our emotions much of the time is all or nothing. You meet someone you connect with they're ALL good, if they piss you off you'll be ALL angry, and if they make you sad you'll be ALL sad. Where a "non" has other emotions present to keep the dominant emotion in check.

The problem I have is if I allow myself to have feelings for another person at some point it's going to come crashing down and will be met with heartache which is a pretty ****** feeling. If I can remain mindful and in control of my thoughts and the situation then the person really has no emotional value to me at all which is also a pretty ******. I've just learned another dysfunctional way of coping by putting up walls to protect myself. I've not been able to find a middle ground.

Anyway, you're not alone!