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Originally Posted by fjinca
Today my doctor finally confirmed that I have symptoms of BPD. I'm also being treated for severe depression and anxiety, but the BPD diagnosis gives me some relief that I might not be the only one who feels this way.
Back in July, my wife asked for a divorce. It wasn't entirely unexpected, but it totally wrecked me. I've had two hospitalizations since then (one for 19 days!), and am now at the end of a group therapy day program. I spent a lot of time not wanting to be alive but I'm now hoping I can make it.
Every day I feel rejection, pain, and loneliness with such intensity. It's been a few months since the divorce announcement but it feels like it was yesterday. Other "normal" people have been able to survive divorce, but for me I haven't found much reason to live since then. Every time I see "happy" couples or families I am crushed. I feel like my whole identity was in my marriage, and now I feel totally empty.
I'm hoping that I can eventually get back to working and start feeling whole again. I'm not sure what my next step is, but I've got to figure out how to recover from this. I've got a new therapist (and have practically memorized the DBT handbook), but I'm just waiting for some improvement.
Has anyone else dealt with BPD and divorce? Any suggestions?
FJ
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am have. I had a previous marriage a long time ago of 6 yrs and she cheated then divorced me, marrying one of her adultery partners. Anyway I remember way back then how it felt and I know exactly what you mean. I am fortunate that at the time I avoided any hospitalization but it was a pretty dark time for me.
I married too soon after (about 3 yrs later) to know at the time how much being on my own would help me but after 13 yrs of marriage, my 2nd wife separated from me. Although she was never caught cheating she had many male friends she kept in touch with a lot and hung out with so I'm 99% sure it was the same deal. Anyway.. Again it was hard at first. In so many ways. Feeling rejected, feeling abandoned, a failure, you name it. I've been through it. But I have to say that in the end it was for the better.
I must tell you, even as you shake your head that it can't be.. there is light at the end of the seemingly long dark tunnel. One of the best things that happened to me was being forced into being independent and on my own. I am a single father now as my ex has all but abandoned her two boys and left them with me for the most part. Learning to cope, to do things for myself, to stand up for myself on my own and not lean on somene else, not have somene else to get enmeshed in was probably the best thing for me. It's not easy, it's not fun, and it will seem like it takes forever but my suggestion is this. Take care of yourself and look to your needs. Focus on your progress, in life and with BPD. Considering that you are BPD I can probably guess that you lost a lot of yourself in that marriage, since you found your identity not in yourself but in the relationship. Now you have to refocus. Once you find your identity in yourself or at least independent of the marriage you'll start to feel stronger and more hopeful.
The marriage was not who you were or are, it is something you were a part of. Try to remember that, as tough as that is to grasp.
I am here if you need a friend who understands.