{{{{{Jan}}}}} {{{{{{Septmorn}}}}}}

Thank you both.......this is the almost verbatim conversation with my doctor. I told him about all the nights in a row with no sleep and a few nights with an hour broken here and there and that was with using lots of sleep meds and xanax. I said "Jack, I feel like I"m going to die or would rather be dead than live like this with no sleep. My thoughts are leaning towards not living if I have to live like this much longer." To which he chuckled and said "Lori, you won't die from lack of sleep and even if you think you would rather be dead than live like this, you don't really. Now up your Celexa another 20mg and take 1 xanax every 4 hrs for a while and see if that doesn't get you by until you can see the Physiciatrist the 31st in Kansas City."

I think he thought I was kidding when I said, I will tell them to call you to identify the body and he laughed and said "I see where Beth gets her drama skills." (my daughter)

Thanks so much for caring.........I just don't know what else to do. Follow his instructions, check myself into a hospital and get everything shut off here at home which I'm just barely treading water with anyway. I'm lucky I still have a roof over my head. I just walked in from my 4th treatment with the DMSO and a bladder scan revealed a new abnormality that will be checked out further next tuesday so I'm kind of bummed that this was the 4th treatment and it has it really flared up right now. I'm sorry, I am sounding like a complete whiner when so many people have it so much worse.

Thanks again {{{{{{{Sept & Jan}}}}}}}}}