First of all, This.

Without even going into the differing opinions about whether porn is wrong in marriage or not, this is what I think... I don't think that viewing porn is infidelity in and of itself but.. if you're married to a partner that is against it and it offends or hurts them, then as the loving SO you should go out of your way to avoid those things that do so. This is the same as a person being married to someone that is against anything or is hurt by it.. right down to drugs and alcohol and other vices. This alone is enough reason to say you should have avoided it but you did eventually which is good. Don't continue to beat yourself up for it.

The part that is equally damaging if not more is the secretiveness, the lying about it. whenever you carry on with a behavior of any kind in secret, knowing that the other person is against that, you multiply the problem.

The thing is, she may not only have a problem with the porn itself but your deceitfulness and that is a very hard thing to get past for many people.

I was married to a woman that had a problem with me viewing anything, not just porn but racy images of any kind and I know this is extreme but I use it as an example. I went out of my way to NOT hide things from her to be in the open as much as possible and in my case it never changed. She held my offenses, including porn, for more than 10 years. In the end, hind sight being 20x20, it wasn't only that I did something wrong, she had certain issues herself... related to her own self image and there was nothing I could do in all of it to fix that. Being faithful, loyal and open to her could not give her the self image she needed.

I add that last part because it may be part of the reason she still has not gotten over that too. Counseling together is a good thing but perhaps individual counseling for each of you would help.