I'm so frustrated at the moment and just ready to give up. I understand that a therapist is supposed to help, but I left my therapist's office today so upset that I was shaking during the session. He told me that he read my letter, and it wasn't anything that surprised him and that it was helpful. But he kept pushing me to try medication again. I have tried Zoloft for about 1-2 months before (not long enough I guess) and Clonazepam that made me feel like I was just going to die (major heart palpitations). He just basically drilled me about the reasons why I'm so resistant to it, which turned into me talking about my father and my childhood when I'm 27 years old. And just saying that he wasn't going to let me leave until I either said No or could agree to try the med for 2 months. So now I'm trying to deal with the feeling that I can't be normal without meds like the rest of my gd family. And I feel like now I'm even more of a disappointment and failure because I can't function without meds. I actually told him I might just take the whole bottle, and he said it wouldn't do anything but make me sick. So now I just feel stupid.

Not to mention that I told him I'd rather be dead than have my IVIG infusion this week so I don't know what to do anymore.