tealbumblebee- oh thank you so much for taking out the time to re-write your post, i really appreciate it. you are very encouraging and i'm so glad for your take on what my T could have meant. I know my brain spins things and takes things so personally - some days I don't know if I'm being ridiculous or not.
I definitely feel stuck and really need a new approach to things. T and I talked about it a little bit today but I think its a great idea to explore what is motivating me on the days I'm feeling good about recovery!! I'm going to try that for sure. and likewise for the barriers that are keeping me from changing. I just hate the way therapy went today. I want to forget it ever happened and just move on- it was so much more discouraging than it was motivating.