Hi, Checkers, and welcome!!!

I'm sorry for all the difficult that you're having within your marriage.

I wish that you're wife would consider counseling with you. However, you could set a great example by going ahead and going for yourself. She might jump on the bandwagon with you. If not, it would still be a great source for you as you move forward from here. Please consider that. Often times, I've see one party in the marriage go, then the other will go at least once. Good luck there.

Regarding when is the best time...I don't know that there IS a best time, but still yet the necessary time. Please seek someone and talk this through so that you can have the support you need emotionally as well as an educated assistance with handling whatever might come with your wife and child. Even if a divorce is inevitible...there's a good and bad way to do those for the children as well.

I personally believe that the younger the child is, the better they adjust in the moment (however, it's a continual adjustment with the parents and how the parents respond/react will dictate how well the child does) and it prevents them from feeling alot of the guilt that an older child can feel, getting stuck in the middle feelings, etc. That said, alot of the time it can't be done at the younger age because parents are giving all they can give for it to work out. It's so hard, I know. I divorced when my daughter had just turned 5. It was very difficult for her, but alot of that was my youth and emotional state. I moved forward too quickly without realizing how that might've been affecting her. I think she would have done much better had I allowed her to adjust more because it wasn't the divorce so much that was so hard on her in appearance but my dragging her along with me in my "moving on" too quickly.

I wish you so well. Please consider seeing someone yourself. Again, welcome to PC!

KD