My T seems to be confident and secure in who he is and his value as a human being. That is something that I would like to be able to achieve at some point.

I also did take up gardening because T is very passionate about gardening- he grows much of his own food. It was enjoyable and it was very good for me to get outside and play in the dirt and nurture my plants. The tricky thing is that I ended up gardening for T in a way as a way to show him that I was doing something that he liked to do. I think it was about trying to gain his approval in my case rather than as a way to be like him. If my plants didn't thrive my focus became about how I was disappointing and failing T because I wasn't a good enough gardener, rather than about my own disappointment that I wasn't having success with my garden.