My first mania occurred during a Buddhist meditation retreat. I always get really spiritual/religious when I'm manic. In my "normal" or more balanced state, I'm more of an agnostic, though I still feel there is something to the universe beyond what science can tell us.

I resisted meds for a long time, largely because I enjoy my spiritual manias. Now that I've finally committed to taking meds, I wish very much that I could retain something meaningful from my manias, rather than viewing them as purely pathological.

Having doubts about the divine as I do, but still fascinated by matters of consciousness and the brain, I have been seeking a way to integrate the scientific description of my illness with a spiritual one. I've been looking at books like The Tao of Bipolar and Buddha's Brain to this end.

I feel like I've arrived at a pretty workable combination of "meditation plus medication" as a path to health. There is plenty of evidence that meds alone aren't usually enough, and that meditation does change the brain in ways that promote well-being. And mindfulness meditation doesn't require belief in deities or supernatural forces.

I don't think I can retain the everything-is-totally-meaningful! perspective that I have when I'm manic, but I think I'm at a point where I no longer need to.

Anyone else struggle with these issues?